Top Quotes: “Insight: The Surprising Truth About How Others See Us, How We See Ourselves, and Why the Answers Matter More Than We Think” — Tanya Eurich
Introduction
“On every page was a red table with each virtue in its own row, and each day of the week in its own column. And though he paid special attention to one virtue every week, he reviewed the entire list at the end of each day, making a “little black spot” if the day’s behavior hadn’t reflected that virtue.”
“Stanford researcher Hayagreeva Rao believes that leaders who have teenage children are less prone to overconfidence for this very reason. As anyone with a teenager knows, they are perpetually unimpressed and will never hesitate to tell you how great you aren’t.”
“Between 1983 and 2007, the percentage of U.S. parents who chose common names for their children dropped sharply — most dramatically in the 1990s and continuing to decline in the 2000s. Here’s a pretty telling data point: in 1880, nearly 40 percent of boys and 25 percent of girls received one of the 10 most popular names — but in 2010, that number dropped to less than 10 percent for boys and 8 percent for girls. “Parents used to give their children common names,” Twenge observes, “so they would fit in. Now, they give their child a unique [one to] stand out and be a star.””
“At the same time self-esteem proponents were “bemoan[ing] the lack of self-love,” self-esteem levels were rising. The real social ill was that most people felt too good about themselves. And it got worse. Baumeister’s review showed that people with high self-esteem were more violent and aggressive. When their romantic relationships were in trouble, they were more likely to walk away, be unfaithful, or engage in other destructive behaviors. They were also more likely to cheat, drink, and do drugs.”
“Narcissistic CEOs in particular have been found to be less responsive to objective performance feedback than non-narcissistic ones, often with devastating effects. In a fascinating study, when researchers Charles Ham and his colleagues measured the size of CEO signatures in SEC filings in S&P 500 firms (with a sizable signature being an indicator of narcissism), they found that the larger a CEO’s signature, the worse the company performed on a number of indicators (patent counts and citations, return on assets, revenue and sales growth).”
Introspection
“As she carefully examines her life, Karen keeps coming back to what she sees as the central trauma of her childhood: at just one week old, her birth parents put her up for adoption. Though she cherishes her adopted parents, Karen has never really gotten over these feelings of abandonment. Why, she asks herself over and over, is she so worried that everyone will leave her? After untold hours of reflection, Karen has come to believe that all of her current problems — in relationships and life-can be traced back to her birth parents’ rejection. With this nugget in hand, Karen concludes that her relationship issues are a product of her history and thus all but inevitable.
Just like Karen, most people believe that the answers to our inner mysteries lie deep within us, and that it’s our job to uncover them — either on our own or with the help of a therapist or loved one. Yet the assumption that introspection begets self-awareness is a myth. Unquestionably, Karen approached her introspective exercise with the earnest goal of better understanding herself. But without her realizing it, the process became what self-awareness researcher Timothy Wilson calls “disruptive.” Continually asking herself why her birth parents gave her up is the wrong question: not only is it distracting, it surfaces unproductive and upsetting emotions that won’t help Karen move forward in a healthy way.
Introspection can also lull us into a false sense of certainty that we have identified the real issue, as it did for Karen. Buddhist scholar Tirthang Tulku uses an apt analogy: when we introspect, our response is similar to a hungry cat watching mice. We eagerly pounce on whatever “insights” we find without questioning their validity or value. And even though they might feel helpful, on their own they’re unlikely to actually help us improve our internal self-awareness.
Now if you’re someone who values introspection, these findings might be concerning. But we need not despair. The problem with introspection, it turns out, isn’t that it’s categorically ineffective, but that many people are doing it completely wrong.”
“Underpinning his famous theory was the idea that there exists a hidden part of the human psyche lurking below our consciousness- one that cleverly represses important information about ourselves. It was the psychoanalyst’s job to excavate these sometimes painful insights through deep and focused analysis, which could often take many years. But as you’re about to see, Freud’s psychoanalytic approach created arguably the strongest, most persistent myth of internal self-awareness.
While Freud’s theories were mostly met with respect and reverence in the twentieth century, the twenty-first has not been so kind. Psychologist Todd Dufresne, for example, didn’t hedge his bets about Freud when he conclude that “no other notable figure in history was so fantastically wrong about nearly every important thing he had to say.” Freud has been appropriately criticized for failing to scientifically test his approach. Many contend that his methods were ineffective at best, and that he may have actually worsened some of his patients’ mental health. And while much of Freud’s work has been largely discredited, his enduring influence on our assumptions about introspection simply cannot be overstated. Most people still believe in the now-debunked promise that we can extract self-insight through deep psychological excavation — whether it’s through therapy or any other dedicated approach to self-examination.
Though Freud was correct in identifying the existence of the unconscious, he completely missed the boat on how it worked. Specifically, research has shown that we can’t uncover our unconscious thoughts, feelings, and motives, no matter how hard we try.”
“The right question probably isn’t “Does therapy work?” but instead “How can we approach therapy to maximize insight?”’ Because it can help — to a certain extent, under certain conditions, and particularly if we approach it intelligently and acknowledge its potential limitations.
The first imperative is to choose the right approach — one that focuses less on the process of introspection and more on the outcome of insight (i.e., the Seven Pillars, like our values, reactions, patterns, etc.). “The danger of too much introspection in therapy,” Dr. Lara Fielding, a Los Angeles-based clinical psychologist, says, “is that we spin a story that gets us stuck.” In other words, rather than getting wrapped up in how broken we are, we should be focusing on what we can learn and how to move forward. One such approach is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT. Fielding, who specializes in CBT, explains that the goal is to use “skillful self-reflection” to unearth our unproductive thinking and behavior patterns so we can make better choices in the future. In the case of Karen, for example, this approach might help her recognize the residual trauma from her adoption and turn her focus to loosening her grip on it, changing the patterns of behavior that aren’t serving her, and moving forward with understanding and purpose.
Another tip is to adopt a flexible mindset, which is applicable both within and outside the confines of a therapist’s office. A flexible mindset means remaining open to several truths and explanations, rather than seeking, as Freud often did, one root cause to explain a broad range of feelings and behaviors. This involves letting go of a desire for something that Turkish psychologist Omer Simsek calls the need for absolute truth. Unquestionably, a common motivation for introspection (or even to buy a book like this one) is to finally figure ourselves out, once and for all.
Yet paradoxically, the search for this kind of rigid and unequivocal certainty about ourselves is the enemy of internal self-awareness. Why? It blinds us to the many nuances in how we think, feel, behave, and interact with the world around us. It can also have unintended consequences such as depression, anxiety, and rumination (which we’ll return to shortly). And, counterintuitively, my research shows that when self-aware people let go of this need, the more self-aware they become, whether or not they seek therapy.
So what, then, is the role of therapy in internal self-awareness? It is probably best to see it as a tool to seek a new perspective and help us explore our own. As one unicorn put it, a therapist’s value is in “holding a mirror to our thoughts, feelings and behaviors.” More broadly, introspection should be a process of open and curious exploration rather than a search for definitive answers. Kelsey, a middle school science teacher and unicorn we’ll meet later in the book, likens the quest for self-knowledge to space exploration: “There is so little we know, but that’s what makes it so exciting.” The bottom line is that it’s virtually impossible to find singular causes for anything in our complicated world, let alone our own messy thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, but letting go of this need helps set the stage for self-awareness.”
“In 1977, psychologists Timothy Wilson and Richard Nisbett set up an unassuming card table outside their local Meijer’s thrift store in Ann Arbor, Michigan, with a sign that read “Consumer Evaluation Survey: Which is the Best Quality?” On the table, they arranged four identical pairs of panty hose, and asked passersby to choose their favorite.
In other studies, research had shown that people tend to prefer products on the right side of a display. And this study was no exception. Even though every pair was identical, people chose the pair on the right at a rate of four to one. Yet when Nisbett and Wilson asked people why they’d chosen the pair they had, they confidently declared that their pair was just better (e.g., better elasticity, better color, or whatever standards one used in 1977 to evaluate pantyhose). Even when the researchers told them about the effects of display position on their choice, they refused to believe it. As Ben Franklin once said, “So convenient a thing it is to be a reasonable creature, since it enables one to find or make a reason for everything one has a mind to do.”
The bottom line is that when we ask why, that is, examine the causes of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, we are generally searching for the easiest and most plausible answer. Sadly, though, once we have found one, we generally stop looking — despite having no way of knowing whether our answer is right or wrong. Sometimes this is a result of something called “confirmation bias,” which can prompt us to invent reasons that confirm our existing beliefs — and since our answers reflect how we see ourselves, we accept them as true. If I see myself as literary, I’ll list Fitzgerald’s crisp prose as the reason why I love The Great Gatsby, or if I fancy myself an astute study of the human psyche, I might cite the complexity of his characters. This is just one example of how asking “why” can simultaneously muddy the waters while giving us an inflated sense of confidence in our newfound “insight.”
Asking why can also cause our often lazy brains to mislead us. Let’s say that I ask you to list all the reasons why your relationship is going the way it is. And let’s say that last night, your spouse stayed out at the office happy hour later than planned, leaving you alone to cook dinner for your visiting, and rather dull, in-laws. Because of something called the “recency effect,” this could be your most salient thought about your relationship — so when you’re asked why the relationship is going the way it is, your brain might misdirect you to the first available explanation — he doesn’t spend enough time at home and leaves me to deal with his parents- even though that behavior is actually rare and out of character. Likewise, if instead of leaving you alone with your in-laws, your otherwise unavailable spouse had surprised you with a weekend getaway, your brain might mislead you to think your relationship is in better shape than it really is.
Asking why can also reduce the quality of our decisions. In one study, researchers asked self-described basketball experts to predict the outcomes of national tournament basketball games. Half analyzed the reasons for their predictions prior to making them, and half were simply asked to make their predictions. Those who questioned their choices predicted far fewer winners than those who didn’t — once they started to overthink things, their expertise went out the window. Other investigations have shown that asking why reduces our satisfaction with the choices we make.”
“Before making their accuracy judgments, some participants were given time to think about why they were the kind of person they were and others were asked to think about what kind of person they were.
The “why” students, it turned out, were resistant to the negative evaluation: instead of accepting or even considering it, they spent their time “rationalizing, justifying, and explaining it away.” The “what” students, on the other hand, were more receptive to that same new data, and to the notion that it could help them better understand themselves. The lesson here is that asking “what” keeps us open to discovering new information about ourselves, even if that information is negative or in conflict with our existing beliefs. Asking “why” has an essentially opposite effect.”
“If you ask why, you’re putting yourself into a victim mentality. People end up in therapy forever for that. When I feel anything other than peace, I say “What’s going on?” “What am I feeling?” “What is the dialogue inside my head?” “What’s another way to see this situation?” “What can I do to respond better?”
So when it comes to internal self-awareness, a simple tool that can have a rather dramatic impact is one I call What Not Why. Let’s look at how a few of our unicorns have used this tool. Nathan, a brand manager, got a bad performance review from his new boss. His knee jerk reaction was to ask, “Why are we like oil and water?” But he quickly realized how unproductive this question was. So, instead, he asked, “What can I do to show her I’m the best person for this job?” The answers, and the actions he took based on what he learned, changed everything. Months later, Nathan’s co-workers were pointing to Nathan and his boss as proof that polar opposites can work together.”
“Asking what instead of why forces us to name our emotions, a process that a strong body of research has shown to be effective. Evidence shows that the simple act of translating our emotions into language — versus simply experiencing them — can stop our brains from activating our amygdala, the fight-or- flight command center, and this in turn helps us stay in control. If this sounds too simple to be true, try naming your feelings for a week and see what you notice.”
Journaling
“As G. K. Chesterton perceptively observed, “Happiness is a mystery like religion, and should never be rationalized” — that is, by examining positive moments too closely, we suck the joy right out of them. Instead, if we simply focus on reliving our happy memories, it’s relatively easy to avoid this trap. Therefore, the first take-home in seeking insight from journaling is to explore the negative and not overthink the positive.
When we explore our negative events through expressive writing, we’ll generally get the most payoff when we see it as an opportunity for learning and growth. Pennebaker notes that journalers “who talk about things over and over in the same ways aren’t getting any better. There has to be growth, change, or closure in the way they view their experiences.” Mr. Kempthorne, for example, smartly evolved his approach. His self-described “pompous” early entries focused too intensely on introspection; now, he says, he writes “short narrative scenes,” which help him make better sense of his feelings and experiences. Those who benefit most from expressive writing tend to start with incoherent, disorganized perceptions of their problems and finish with a coherent, meaningful narrative.”
“Another trap journalers can fall prey to is using the activity solely as an outlet for discharging emotions. Interestingly, the myriad benefits of expressive writing only emerge when we write about both the factual and the emotional aspects of the events we’re describing — neither on its own is effective in producing insight. Logically, this makes sense: if we don’t explore our emotions, we’re not fully processing the experience, and if we don’t explore the facts, we risk getting sucked into an unproductive spiral. True insight only happens when we process both our thoughts and our feelings.
But we also need to guard against turning journaling into an exercise in self-absorption. Remember that our unicorns spend more time focused on things other than themselves. The same can be said for the practice of journaling. Earlier, I mentioned that the journalers in our study were no more internally self-aware than non-journalers in every area but one: where many people see journaling as an opportunity to explore their inner workings, the truly self-aware know it can also help them understand their impact on others. Accordingly, our unicorns who journaled often reported exploring other people’s perspectives in their entries. One told us a story in which she and a friend had a difficult talk, which ended in her friend crying for reasons she didn’t understand.”
Mindfulness
“Mark realized what researchers also know to be true: because mindfulness helps us be more aware of our thoughts and feelings, we can better control our behavior and make smarter decisions in real time.”
“If mindfulness is about noticing the present, how does examining our past help? Because comparing and contrasting past experiences to what is happening right now can give us immense clarity about the present. For example, “I was so happy with my job last week — what’s different this week that’s making me so miserable?” or “If I’ve had the same challenges across multiple jobs, what might this mean?”
“If you want to try comparing and contrasting for yourself, here are a few questions to get you started. You can apply each one to almost anything that you want to better understand, such as your job, your career, or your relationships. What about X is the same and what is different than it was in the past? Have there been any patterns in my mood, positive or negative, that have coincided with changes in X? Does the way I feel about X remind me of any similar feelings I’ve had about a past situation? How happy or fulfilled am I with X today versus m how I felt about X in the past? When I think about X over the course of my life, have things gotten better or worse?
Now let’s turn to our final mindfulness tool. Studies have shown that one reason we fail to learn from experience is that we rarely take time to reflect on our discoveries. Certainly, finding the time to regularly check in with ourselves can feel difficult in our busy, distracted world. But daily check-ins don’t have to be time-consuming (as with journaling, more is not better). In fact, the majority of our unicorns described a habit of short, focused check-ins (just as Ben Franklin did), where they reviewed the choices they made that day, looked for patterns, and observed what worked and what didn’t. This small ritual can have a big impact, not just on our mood and our confidence, but on our actions and results. For example, in one study, call-center trainees who took just a few minutes to reflect at the end of each day improved their performance an average of 23 percent.
So try taking five minutes every evening — whether it’s during your drive home, while unwinding after dinner, or after you climb into bed-to mindfully ask yourself: What went well today? What didn’t go well? What did I learn and how will I be smarter tomorrow?”
Life Stories
“Psychology professor Dan McAdams has been prolifically researching life stories for more than 30 years. The approach that MAdams and his colleagues use to help people compose their life stories goes something like this:
Think about your life as if it were a book. Divide that book into chapters that represent the key phases of your life. Within those phases, think of 5–10 specific scenes in your story — high points, low points, turning points, early memories, important childhood events, important adulthood events, or any other event you find self-defining. For each, provide an account that is at least one paragraph long. When you are finished writing your account, take a step back and look at your life story as a whole:
1. What major themes, feelings, or lessons do you see in your story?
2. What does the story of your life say about the kind of person you are and might become — your values, passions, aspirations, fit, patterns, reactions, and impact on others?
After collecting life stories from tens of thousands of people, Professor McAdams and his colleagues have learned that they usually have overarching themes. And identifying them can help make sense of seemingly contradictory aspects of ourselves.”
Conclusion
“Even complete strangers-that is, people we have never met face-to-face-can see us disconcertingly accurately. Researcher David Funder and his colleagues compared how undergraduates were rated by those who knew them well (parents, friends, and roommates), those who knew them casually (college and hometown acquaintances), and people they’d never met (strangers shown just a five-minute video of them) on roughly 70 personality traits. The three groups’ ratings were astonishingly accurate: a match for all but three traits! The groups also tended to see similar qualities in the participants, regardless of how well they actually knew them. The surprising take-home is that even people you don’t know well can be a valuable source of feedback.”
“Perhaps Kim’s biggest turning point came when she discovered the “trigger” that sent her into a downward spiral: the feeling that her knowledge was being questioned. She started experimenting with approaches to tame her reactions when she’d been set off, and noticed that merely thinking I feel attacked or criticized right now helped her rise above the temptation to instantly act upon that feeling (naming our emotions to the rescue!). She also found that a few moments of preparation could help her stay calm. Before walking into a meeting that she thought might trigger her, she now takes, in her words, a “mental valium.” This metaphorical medication gives her the power to stay calm and open-minded.”
“Contact a close friend, family member, or mentor — someone who knows you well and with whom you want to strengthen your relationship. Invite this person to a meal. During the meal, ask them to tell you the one thing that annoys them most about you. But first, tell the person why you’re doing this, that nothing is off-limits, and that you aren’t allowed to answer defensively — only to listen with an open heart and mind.”
“Miner warns his students that the person you ask might not be ready to open up to you right away; if that’s the case, he suggests reminding them that this is intended to help you grow, and that all you want to do is check your perceptions against theirs. This gives them permission to be honest and candid rather than cautious and polite. Then, once your dinner companion starts sharing the feedback, Miner says, your job is to m keep the conversation going. It will be tempting to shut down this line of inquiry as quickly as humanly possible. But to get the most out of this exercise, Miner recommends asking questions to clarify as necessary, just as he did with his kids during his maiden voyage of the exercise.”
“When it comes to reflecting on feedback, unicorns wisely avoid the temptation to jump in right away. Most reported giving themselves days or even weeks to bounce back after hearing something truly surprising or upsetting.
When Florence was ready to figure out what this strange feedback meant, she asked herself three questions. First, do I understand this feedback? Although she wasn’t as upset as she’d been when she heard it, she was just as perplexed. So she decided to talk to a few loving critics. Although Florence’s gut reaction had been to label the feedback as negative, she soon learned that her loving critics had a more nuanced view. Her confidence did sometimes create friction with people, at least initially, but when they got to know her better, they realized that her self-assurance gave her a unique edge.
This then led Florence to ask, how will this affect my long-term success and well-being? Remember, not all feedback is accurate or important, and as I mentioned earlier, unicorns are surprisingly picky about what they let in. After all, as Roman philosopher Marcus Aurelius reminds us, “Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact.” To figure out what is worth listening to, a good rule of thumb is to look at how pervasive a particular behavior is. Feedback from one person is a perspective; feedback from two people is a pattern; but feedback from three or more people is likely to be as close to a fact as you can get.
Florence had clearly heard she was “ambitious” from so many people that she had to listen. But she was realizing that, despite the unfavorable cultural connotations, it wasn’t actually having a negative impact on her long-term success- if anything, it was helping her accomplish her goals.
This realization propelled Florence to her final question, do I want to act on this feedback, and if so, how? Sometimes, even when we understand feedback and determine that it matters, we might decide not to respond to it right away. Ultimately, up to us to figure out whether making a particular change will provide a sufficient return for the effort and time it requires.”
“Whether you self-affirm by evoking the past or remembering your most important values, you can inoculate yourself against threatening feedback and hear it less defensively. Regardless of the approach you use, though, research has shown that self-affirmation is most effective when you do it before getting threatening feedback. And though it can sometimes sneak up on us, as it did in Florence’s case, there are times when we can anticipate this kind of feedback, especially when we’ve sought it out on our own terms. So when you know difficult feedback might be coming, spend a few minutes shoring yourself up first. Think of self-affirmation as an insurance policy: what you hear might not be a catastrophe, but if it is, you’ll be covered.”
“At the most basic level, as Doug Suttles and Alan Mulally have shown us, a leader must communicate her principles and act in accordance with them.”
“Once Robert realized that Maria had no desire to improve her self-insight, he challenged himself to adopt the mindset of compassion without judgment. Rather than getting constantly bent out of shape about her deficits, he realized that they were simply on different journeys. If we revisit our “horse race of awareness” analogy from chapter 2, Robert was picking up speed while Maria was dead last — but with this realization, he was able to view her as someone who was simply struggling, rather than as a malicious megalomaniac. It was actually freeing to realize that Maria’s self-awareness was not his problem to fix — it was hers and hers alone.”
“On The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Mary’s boss was a surly man named Lou Grant, played by the incomparable Ed Asner. On a good day, Lou Grant was grumpy and hotheaded; on a bad day, he was nasty and downright abusive. But because his outrageous comments were often followed by a canned laugh track, to the viewer, they seemed comical and surprisingly endearing. I decided that the next time my boss said something so cruel that it made me want to cry, I’d imagine a laugh track behind it instead. Now, it would be inaccurate to say that this completely transformed my experience of working for him, but the tool did make it that much more bearable (and occasionally, hilarious).”
“A question was: Is his behavior counter to his best interests? Research has shown that human beings have a desire for congruence — when their behaviors and beliefs don’t match. they experience an uncomfortable sense of cognitive dissonance. In Frank’s case, Sophia knew that he cared deeply about being a good dad. She even remembered a conversation where he mentioned that the reason he worked so hard was to give Emma a better childhood than he’d had. Pointing out how his behavior was impeding those goals, Sophia reasoned, was likely to create an alarm-clock moment.”
“Since this realization, Marcia has learned to ask herself the following question whenever she is about to fall down the rabbit hole: Does anyone else care about this as much as I do? When the answer is no, she tries to let it go.”
The 7-Day Insight Challenge
“Day 1: Select Your Self-Awareness Spheres
On a piece of paper, list the three most important spheres of your life: work, school, parenting, marriage, friends, community, faith, philanthropy, etc.
1. For each sphere, write a few sentences about what success looks like using the Miracle Question: If you woke up tomorrow and everything in that area of life was near-perfect, what would that look like?
2. Then, given your definition of success, rate how satisfied you are now on a scale of 1 (completely unsatisfied) to 10 (completely satisfied). Your biggest opportunities for self-awareness are those where you’re not as satisfied as you want to be. Circle the one or two spheres that you most want to improve (these are your target self-awareness spheres). Think about what is keeping you from achieving your definition of success and what changes you could make to get there.
Day 2: Study the Seven Pillars
Find a trusted friend, family member, or colleague. Go through the Seven Pillars of Insight together (this page). For each pillar, describe how you see yourself (e.g., what are your values?) and then ask the other person to share how they see you (e.g., what do they think your values are?). (And please, be a good friend and help your partner examine his or her own pillars!) After your discussion, reflect on the similarities and differences between your answers about yourself and your partner’s answers about you. What did you learn from this exercise, and how will you build on it moving forward?
1. Values: The principles that guide how you govern your life
2. Passions: What you love to do
3. Aspirations: What you want to experience and achieve
4. Fit: The environment you require to be happy and engaged
5. Patterns: Your consistent ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving across situations
6. Reactions: The thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that reveal your strengths and weaknesses
7. Impact: How your actions are generally perceived by others
Day 3: Explore Your Barriers
Think back to chapters 3 and 4 and pick one or two barriers to self-awareness that you suspect might be at play in your own life (i.e., Knowledge Blindness, Emotion Blindness, Behavior Blindness, the Cult of Self, the Feel Good Effect, Selfie Syndrome). For the next 24 hours, try to spot the barrier(s) occurring in real time, either by questioning your own behavior and assumptions or spotting them in others. At the end of the day, think about what you learned and how you can apply the strategies you’ve read to help you shift your thoughts and your actions.
Extra credit: For the next 24 hours, pay attention to how often you are focused on yourself versus interested in other people, both online and offline. When you’re tempted to post your recent vacation photos or regale your dinner party guests with a story about your latest professional accomplishment, ask yourself, “What am I hoping to achieve by doing this?”
Day 4: Boost Your Internal Self-Awareness
Choose one of the internal self-awareness tools below to experiment with today. At the end of the day, spend a few moments reflecting on how it went, what you learned about yourself, and how you can build on this insight moving forward.
1. What not why (this page)
2. Comparing and contrasting (this page)
3. Reframing (this page)
4. Hitting pause (this page)
5. Thought-stopping (this page)
6. Reality checks (this page)
7. Solutions-mining (this page)
Day 5: Boost Your External Self-Awareness
Identify one loving critic within each target self-awareness sphere (this page). Ask them to share one thing that they value or appreciate about you and one thing that they think might be holding you back.
Day 6: Survive the Delusional
Think of the most delusional person you know (ideally, that you’ll see today). Which category from chapter 10 (Lost Cause, Aware Don’t Care, Nudgable) do you think the person falls into, and what leads you to this conclusion? Practice using one tool below to better manage your relationship with this person the next time you see him or her.
1. Compassion without judgment (this page)
2. Float feet-first (this page)
3. Reframing (this page)
4. What can he/she teach me? (this page)
5. Laugh track (this page)
6. State your needs (this page)
7. Clarify your boundaries (this page)
8. Walk away (this page)
9. Confront with compassion (this page)
Day 7: Take Stock
Review the notes you took over the course of the challenge and answer the following questions:
1. What do you now know about yourself-and about self-awareness in general — that you didn’t know a week ago?
2. What one goal can you set for yourself over the next month to help you continue the momentum you have now?”
