Top Quotes: “Lagom: The Swedish Art of Balanced Living” — Linnea Dunne
Introduction
“Celebrations like Christmas and midsummer are generally scaled-back affairs with a strong focus on being together. In other words, our Nordic friends take their time to do things right — in a wonderful, uncomplicated way.
It was at a dinner party in my adopted hometown of Malmö that I learnt the philosophy behind this way of life.
“‘Do you know the word lagom?” my new Swedish friends asked over dinner. “You don’t have a translation for it in English,” they said proudly.
‘Does it mean “perfect”?’ I ventured.
“No, not perfect — it’s sort of “just right”, they explained, nodding in agreement with each other.
Lagom, pronounced ‘lah-gom’ (‘la’ like ‘far’, “gom’ like ‘from’), is an overarching concept that is heavily ingrained in the Swedish psyche. Often loosely translated as ‘everything ‘in moderation’ or ‘not too much and not too little’, lagom is about finding a balance that works for you. Water can be lagom warm, You can work a lagom amount. Trousers can be a lagom fit. It’s a word you can use in almost any context, which is also what makes it fascinating.
Lagom is commonly thought to derive from Viking times, rooted in the term laget om (around the team). It’s said a bowl or horn of mead would be passed in a circle, and it was important that everyone only sipped their fair share so there was enough to go round. The Vikings wouldn’t usually be first on my list as a moral compass, but they were certainly on to something. Today, lagom is closely linked to the Swedish cultural and social ideology of fairness and equality. Ferociously independent they may be, but Swedes are also known for working together for the collective good. Taking the ‘right amount’ is a step towards ensuring that no one amasses too much and no one is left wanting.
Whether it’s applied to work, leisure, family and relationships, holidays and celebrations, interior design or living in a way that’s kinder to the planet, the Swedes will often tell you that lagom ärbäst — the right amount is best, and moderation is key.
Having said that, there’s definitely a time for excess in Sweden. If you’ve ever been to a Swedish midsummer celebration or drunk a cup of their (exceedingly strong) freshly brewed coffee, you’ll know what I mean. It’s just that they won’t punish themselves with abstinence afterwards. The Swede will simply continue enjoying everything in moderation (until the next celebration comes along!).
By deliberately seeking a more manageable, comfortable, balanced way of doing things (and finding perfection in imperfection), you’re not just taking the pressure off yourself — you’re taking the pressure off others, too. And you’re gaining more of today’s most precious resource: time.”
Decor
“Look in any Swedish home and you’ll see plants lining the windowsills and brightening up dark corners. They’re certainly on to something. Studies have shown that having just one plant in a room can ease stress levels, absorb harmful toxins and help purify the air. It can also help enhance your mood and increase productivity, boost concentration and memory and, ultimately, make you feel happier. It’s also a wonderful way to bring the home alive.”
“Our most treasured plant started life as a cutting from one of my grandfather-in-law’s shrubs. Sadly, he’s long since gone, but the plant lives on in his memory.
Why not get a cutting from a friend’s or relative’s plant, or give one as a present to mark an occasion? Not only is it free but it’ll also hold special memories. You never know, it might live on for generations to come.”
“Instead of displaying a huge bouquet, think about placing a single flower in a vase. You’ll more easily be able to admire its delicate shape and colour.”
“Having a get-together? How about giving the wall a natural touch by sticking on blooms from your garden? It creates an instant seasonal display.
Or, for something more permanent, pick a selection of your favourite leaves and place them inside double-sided glass frames. These look beautiful on the wall or arranged along a windowsill.”
Time
“Mention there’s a forest down the road, and a Swede will be off faster than you can fill your Thermos. Sweden has 29 national parks and more than half of the country is covered in forest, so the countryside is a huge part of life. Allemansrätten, translated as ‘everyman’s right’, gives people the right to roam freely and enjoy activities such as foraging for wild fruit and camping wherever they choose (as long as they’re not disturbing others).”
“A recent study found that the most productive people work for 52 minutes and then take a 17-minute break!”
“A study led by a research team at the University of Tampere in Finland discovered that holiday happiness and satisfaction peaked after eight days on vacation.”
““In Sweden people are used to everything working on time — buses, trains, doctor’s appointments, etc. They therefore have the expectation that whoever they’re meeting will be punctual,” she theorizes.”
“Wander around a Swedish city centre at night and you’ll see people doggedly sitting outside restaurants and bars long after the sun’s warmth has dwindled. Why? Fleece blankets are draped over the backs of chairs, ready to be used at the slightest sign of a chill. If you’re having an outdoor gathering, prepare a basket of rolled-up blankets (they don’t need to match) for when the temperature starts to drop. They’re perfect for snuggling under, and it means the party can continue long after sunset!”
Gender and Relationships
“In a culture that highly values independence, it’s perfectly acceptable to live together or apart and never get married. In fact, they’ve even devised words for these options. For example, särbo is used to describe your partner when you’re in a relationship but live separately, and sambo is a partner you live with but aren’t married to.”
“From childhood Swedes are taught that household chores should be divided up according to preference, not gender. Someone who’s a bit of a whizz at cooking and finds it relaxing, for example, might prefer to take on more in the kitchen. Others might love to wander around the supermarket or do the laundry (there must be someone out there who enjoys it!). And if no one raises their hand then you simply take turns.”
Partying
“Forget Ibiza drink-fests or luxurious spa weekends. In Sweden, hen and stag dos are simply about creating a truly personal, memorable event and helping friends and relatives get to know each other before the big day. Traditionally, the maid of honour or best man organizes it without the bride or groom’s knowledge (they’re sprung upon in the morning). This means the bride and groom are in a state of nervous anticipation because they know a hen or stag do is inevitable but aren’t quite sure when it will be! In the months before the wedding, the group gets together to plan a day (or occasionally a weekend) of activities, from a picnic to scavenger hunts and dance sessions or going out on à boat. In fact, the more creative and out there, the more memorable it is! It’s rarely an expensive affair, which makes it all the more inclusive and fun. And, in my experience, the personal touches make for some wonderful memories for years to come.”
“How to plan a Swedish-style hen or stag do
Set the date. Contact the other half to set a date when the person is available (without that person’s knowledge, of course). The partner is then responsible for keeping that day or weekend free (it might require some double bluffing), providing a list of people who should be invited and packing a bag when the day arrives.”
“The way you surprise your protagonist sets the tone. Timing and style are crucial! More often than not, the group will appear at the door or even at the end of the bed. In my experience, the bridal party usually opts for a kinder approach, but stag dos are known for the many eventful ways in which they kidnap the groom. Sometimes they even indulge in a fake kidnap, such as asking the groom to be somewhere dressed as a rabbit, only for him to wait hours before eventually returning home. The real stag do is usually a few weeks later, during which time the ‘stags’ have had enough laughs to last a lifetime. Cruel? Possibly. But if it’s done the right way for the person you’re celebrating, it can be great fun for everyone involved.”
“A study by Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia, revealed that the more you spend on your wedding, the less time your union will last!
The study found that splashing out $30,000 on your big day was found to increase the odds of divorce by 250 per cent, compared to those who spend between $5,000 and $10,000. Interestingly, spending less than $1,000 gives you the best odds for a long marriage.”
“Often it’s the venue that costs an arm and a leg. In Sweden, people are permitted to get married anywhere they like, which gives rise to the most beautiful settings — by a lake, in a forest clearing or even up a mountain. The ceremony is followed by a wedding meal at a summer cottage, in the village hall or in the garden. The key is to keep nature at the centre. It can be a more stunning backdrop than a stately home — and it’s free!
In case of rain, it’s wise to have borrowed a covering of some kind to keep everyone dry. Having said that, one of the most fun weddings I’ve attended was one where everyone brought an umbrella and a pair of wellington boots to change into for the ceremony! If nothing else, it certainly makes for some colourful wed ding photos!“
“sänghäfte (song booklet) I am completely tone deaf, so imagine my horror when I turned up at my first Swedish wedding to discover a booklet containing a number of ditties on my table setting! (I later found out this practice is a staple at many Swedish celebrations.) The sänghäfte includes a series of traditional, numbered snapsvisor (schnapps songs). Someone in the party will call out a number, and everyone will burst into song with the help of the lyrics on the page. The end of the song is celebrated with a jovial ‘Skäl!’ and a shot of schnapps (note: you might find your singing improves as the evening goes on).”
Children
“Wander around a Swedish city on any given weekday and you’ll encounter an army of men joyfully pushing prams or feeding their babies with homemade food. The so-called latte pappa’ is a normal part of everyday life, thanks to Sweden’s generous parental leave of 480 days. Parents are encouraged to share it equally, and it can be used up until the child turns 12.
My Swedish husband took six months off with our first daughter after I’d gone back to work — and I have to say the benefits were (and still are) immeasurable. I was able to return to work safe in the knowledge that my daughter was being cared for in the best possible way. And it extends to joint responsibility for doctor’s appointments and after-school activities. It taught us that we’re equally responsible for raising our children, and that we both have the opportunity to pursue our careers and be loving parents. It’s important for our children to see this, too.”
“British research showed that when children have a large number of toys they become distracted which hinders learning and play. Having fewer toys gives them the chance to use their imagination and helps them treasure what they have.”
“Swedes teach their children the art of moderation from a young age. And what better way to do this than with sweets? Every Saturday, the ‘sugar-overload’ aisle in our local supermarket is packed with excited children picking out their lórdagsgodis (Saturday sweets), a treat they’ve been looking forward to all week. Confining sugary treats to one day a week is an extremely clever concept: it’s healthier (overall consumption is lowered), it teaches the art of moderation and, perhaps best of all, the anticipation makes it an extra-special occasion. Each and every bite of a lollipop, sweet and chocolate is savoured.”
“According to one study, children who spend time outdoors gardening or with a horticultural-based curriculum are more likely to eat fruit and vegetables.”
“If you’re really keen for your child to get interested outdoors, you might want to consider a forest school. Growing in number across the UK, this type of outdoor nursery has been available in Sweden for many years — it’s designed to encourage children to learn through outdoor play all year round. Think climbing trees, eating lunch, making mud pies and even napping under the open sky, come snow, rain or shine. Sound cray? Scientists may beg to differ.
A longitudinal study by Sarah Blackwell found long-term forest-schools programmes had positive impacts on children’s physical and mental health in addition to improving their social and cognitive competence. Ideal!”
“Swedish children start compulsory school the year they turn seven, two years later than their UK counterparts. Up until then, the focus is purely on play. This may sound late (and I was certainly concerned), but studies actually show that children who start learning to read and write later are no less successful than peers who start earlier. Plus, the later readers and writers showed signs of greater well-being.
To me, this makes total sense. As a parent, I’ve noticed that when my girls are naturally ready to do something — be it walk, potty train, ride a bike or decipher letters — they master it quickly. Try to teach them before they’re ready, and it causes a huge amount of stress and aggravation. The process becomes long and drawn out, and may even prove futile. So let’s slow down and take things at our children’s pace. We’ll all feel happier for it!”
“Known for being the most gender-equal country in the world, Sweden believes that gender equality starts from the day you’re born. The idea is that the baby should be introduced to the world without gender-specific toys or clothing. Instead, you encourage them to enjoy the world around them based on their natural preferences.”
“It’s easy to think a Christmas tree should be confined to the corner of the sitting room. But since moving to Sweden, I’ve been inspired by the practice of placing mini trees in other parts of the house, too. Whether in the bedroom (oh so cosy to wake up to!), on the coffee table, in the window or even on the stairs, there’s no end to where you might place one. My children love having their own mini trees in their bedrooms, and they make handmade decorations for them (with varying results!). You can also place them either side of your front door for a warm welcome. Forget fancy decorations — leave them au naturel or add a simple string of white fairy lights to brighten up the darkest of corners.”
“Real candles were the only option before electrical fairy lights took over. And, lately, people have been taking a leaf from times gone by and reverting to the real deal. We had wax candles on our tree for the first time last Christmas, and, I have to say, it looked truly magical. Since they’re only lit for half an hour or so at a time, it becomes a bit of an occasion as the family gathers around to enjoy them. Also, since you can’t leave the tree unattended, you need to stand or sit and watch it for the best part of 30 minutes before blowing out the candles again — which is surprisingly mindful. And, most important of all, the soft glow of candlelight nestled between the pine needles is a truly beautiful sight. I wholeheartedly recommend it! Don’t forget to stay safe — be vigilant, always keep a bucket of sand by the tree, ensure candles are placed well away from the branches above and never leave the tree unattended when candles are lit.”
“The children dress up as pâskkärringar (little Easter witches) and go around the neighbourhood with a basket collecting sweets.”
“We hard-boil a dozen eggs, climb to the top of a hill and roll the eggs down it. The person whose egg gets the furthest wins. (You can repeat until your egg completely falls apart or choose to eat it before it gets to that fateful stage.)”
Conclusion
“In Sweden, it’s customary to offer to bring your own bedding when visiting a friend or relative, especially at their summer cottage where there might not be enough linen to go round (or a washing machine for after you’ve left). If you’re staying overnight, why not offer to bring your own linen? It won’t create any more effort on your side, but it eases the burden on the host, who doesn’t need to spend your arrival day making up beds and your departure day working through piles of laundry. Less work all round!”
“A study assessing views towards ‘refugees, diversity and nationalist sentiment’ by Pew Research Center based in Washington, DC found Sweden to be the most positive of all European countries, with 62 per cent believing that refugees help make the nation stronger by contributing work and talent.
This open-mindedness is reinforced with compassion and a willingness to help, with Swedes stepping forward in droves to offer support to new arrivals. I observed first hand all the volunteers waiting at Malmö train station to give refugees a warm welcome. Many more donated clothes, food and time to organizations, helping them settle in the country.”
“Last year, my daughter left her tricycle outside the front door with a note saying, “I’ve outgrown my tricycle. Please take it if you need it.” Later that day, the tricycle had gone and in its place was a bunch of bananas with a note (in Swedish): “Thank you so much, Alice. You’ve made a little girl very happy — we hope you like bananas!” The thought of this simple exchange still makes me smile today.
Random acts of kindness
Why not leave a kind note in a library book for the next reader?
Decide to give out ten heartfelt compliments in a day
Write a thank-you note to the public services, like the police, firefighters, or nurses.”
“With urban areas expanding to accommodate the growing population, many insects are losing their homes. The Swedish city of Mölndal has taken great measures to combat the creepy. crawly housing shortage: a vast insect hotel designed to attract and accommodate butterflies, birds, wild bees and a host of other critters.
As much as you love animals, if you live in a home with a small garden, you’ll most likely want to reserve most of your space for a glass of prosecco in the sun! But why not also consider your own small insect hotel? They come in all different shapes and sizes, and are a perfect way to invite creepy-crawlies to join in the fun. They also provide some evening entertainment — you never know who might have moved in!”
“In Sweden, wind, hydro and solar power account for 52 per cent of the electricity used, which places it at number one in the world for sustainable-energy use and puts it firmly on the path to becoming the first fossil-fuel-free nation.”
“Every month, the city of Stockholm converts 993,000kg (1095 tons) of food waste (around 1kg (2.2lb) per person) into 115,000m° (30,380,000 gallons) of gas, which is used to fuel buses and taxis.”
“In my adopted hometown of Malmö, for example, there are many sharing schemes. Members of the public can hire tools from the library and sports equipment from Fritidsbanken (The Leisure Bank) for free.”
“The government is planning a series of tax breaks and VAT cuts designed to make it cheaper for people to repair items such as washing machines, bikes and clothes. And Swedish brands such as Nudie Jeans are offering customers an onsite repair service. ‘We don’t believe “throwaway” and “jeans” are words that belong together,’ says Eliina Brinkberg, environmental manager at Nudie Jeans. ‘We believe in a slower consumption, of using clothes for a long time, and we want to give our customers the possibility of consuming in a far more sustainable way.”
