Top Quotes: “The Joy of Gay Sex” — Charles Silverstein
Background: This book reads like a (very long and detailed) how-to guide for someone who just came out and knows nothing about the queer community. There were some fun facts and fascinating points of view, but most of it was things which seem obvious to me which I guess I’ve learned over my decade+ of being part of the community.
Blow Jobs
“Until recently in many European countries, blow jobs were virtually unheard of between men and considered demeaning — they were performed only by women and usually only prostitutes. In the older and non-Judeo-Christian cultures of the East and in societies of Africa, Asia, and South America, blow jobs were acceptable for everyone. Cleopatra, for instance, is repupted to have sucked off 100 Roman noblemen in Roe in one night, and a thousand Roman soldiers back home, but this is probably exaggerated.”
“It’s difficult to say how it happened, exactly, but the US has become the blow job capital of the world: Men from all over the world vacation here, often traveling across the country to experience the superb technical prowess of American cocksuckers.”
“A good blow job should be a pleasure rather than a task. Few who have experienced the subtle yet complete control of another’s body and pleasure through his cock, and the thrill of carefully gliding that cock and that man to sexual fulfillment consider the experience ‘demeaning’ — or ‘passive.’”
Body Image
“Our bodies are defined primarily by genetics, secondarily by health, and thirdly by exercise. No matter how healthy and exercised you may be, by virtue of your heritage or hereditary assets, you may never be able to fit into what has become almost a stereotypical male physique. However, it’s worth remember that what you consider your worst feature may strike others as your best.”
Condoms
“It’s not known how long condoms have been in existence. Condoms (and dildos) first appeared in England by 1660, and were in wide use by the 18th century, when STDs had become rampant in Europe. By then they’d become so common that they were manufactured, openly sold, and even advertised in Paris and London as ‘implements of safety which secure the health.’”
“Early condoms were expensive, if natural, products, usually made of lengths of sheep intestine sewn closed at one end and colorfully secured at the base with a red ribbon tied around the balls. Often ill-fitting and strong smelling, they became increasingly expensive, rare, and difficult to obtain as rural areas shrank and sexual hypocrisy grew in strength during the industrial revolution. Late in the 19th century, rubber replaced animal gut as the condom material of choice, but these early products broke easily unless they were made so thick that most pleasurable sensations were completely dulled. The perfection of vulcanized rubber in the beginning of the 20th century not only made possible the durable rubber tires that assured the ascendancy of the auto in America, but also allowed for the cheaper, safer, thinner, and more pleasurable latex condoms.”
“By WWII, every kit handed out to the millions of men in the U.S. armed forces contained its share of ‘rubbers’ for protection against venereal diseases. At the same time, the discovery of penicillin and antibiotics seemed to promise a future free of the worries that had afflicted our ancestors’ sexual lives. But with the advent of the oral birth-control pill, condoms all but vanished from American life.”
“Condoms weren’t in widespread use among gays. When they entered gay sexual life, it was usually as a curiosity, a sex toy. Condoms were considered kinky, a little daring.”
Cosmetic Surgery
“People who can guarantee a certain number of personal and filmed appearances per year (e.g. major movie and TV stars and athletes) can obtain a tax break for cosmetic surgery, though not a large one.”
Love
“What is the origin of love? Plato answers this question in his Symposium. In the beginning, there were three sexes: man, woman, and an androgynous person. Each was round, like a sphere, with a face and two arms and legs on either side. They would walk forward or backward, or tumble and roll on the ground. These three played and frolicked in the field. But then they foolishly challenged the power of Zeus. For that, he punished them by splitting them in half so there were two of each. He also separated them so that they could never find their other half. What had been the double man (now two men) is the origin of gay male relationships, the androgynous (now a man and a woman) is the origin of straights. Each spent all of its time searching for its other half, hoping to reunite.”
Cruising
“There’s an art to cruising, and its most important tools are timing and the eyes. The eyes first: You’re walking down the street and you pass a man going in the opposite direction. Your eyes lock but you keep on moving. After a few paces you glance back and see that he has stopped in front of a store window, but is looking directly at you. If he catches your fancy, you may go through the little charade of examining the shop window nearest you. After a bit, the frequency and intensity of exchanged glances will increase, and one of you will stroll over to the other.”
“In one kind of cruising, a man who can keep a public phone in view from his home can dial the booth when he sees someone attractive. If the man on the street picks up, the caller propositions him.”
Depression
“Many gay men become depressed when they are sexually rejected. If someone is already depressed, he can interpret the least sign of indifference as rejection. A depressed or insecure man trying to make out in a bar, say, ensures his failure by going, with an unerring instinct for defeat, straight to the coldest strangers in the room. By contrast, someone in a buoyant frame of mind is relaxed, a bit choosy, and ready to admit that his appeal is not universal. He knows that this guy may only go for diminutive blonds, that one for overweight lawyers, and that one only for money. But a depressed person is frantic and quite often forgets the bewildering range of human sexual preferences.”
Foreskin
“Some men say a foreskin is required for ‘docking’: You place the head of your dick against the head of your partner’s dick (face-to-face, so to speak). Then you pull his foreskin over both his dick head and yours — and you are docked. You masturbate yourself as your partner masturbates himself, all the time rubbing your two cock heads together until you come.”
Orgasm
“The second stage of arousal is called plateau. It’s an advanced state of arousal just before orgasm. Your cock is filled with blood to the limit of its capabilities, and your hard-on, accordingly, is at its max length and width. Your balls are also engorged with blood and they’re about 50% larger than in an unexcited state. A clear lubricating liquid is secreted through the urethra and bathes the head of your cock (precome). Some Eastern spiritual disciplines consider this plateau state to be the highest form of human sexuality and they aim toward never going beyond it.”
“The third stage is orgasm, which can be broken down further into two phases. The first, called ejaculatory inevitability, is the point of no return. Contractions of your internal organs involved in orgasm have begun. The second phase is the orgasm itself, rhythmic contractions of your muscles at the base of your penis and the urethral canal (the duct in your penis); orgasm usually consists of about 3–7 spurts of fluid at 0.8-second intervals.”
“The sympathetic division of your autonomic system speeds up the heart rate, whereas the parasympathetic slows it down — providing either from getting out of control. Sometimes, however, the two systems work cooperatively. In the male sex act, for instance, the parasympathetic nerves control erection, while ejaculation is a function of the sympathetic nerves.”
“This division of labor produces significant effects. For instance, the parasympathetic division is highly vulnerable to physical trauma, substance abuse, and to certain diseases like diabetes. It’s in charge during peacefulness. Anxiety, which triggers and is monitored by the sympathetic division, can inhibit functioning of the parasympathetic division — and so can stop you from having erections. However, ejaculation is controlled by the sympathetic part of the system, which means you can blow your load even if you’re anxious and unable to get hard.”
Masturbation
“The ancient Egyptians believed that the Nile rose each year because of the constant masturbation of the god Osiris, and that his semen created all living things. It’s unfortunate that this positive view of masturbation didn’t survive into the Judeo-Christian era.”
“In the 1700s, the moral condemnation of masturbation was reinterpreted as a medical issue: Masturbation became an illness as well as a sin. A widely influential French doctor said masturbation destroyed the nervous system, inevitably leading to madness.”
“To reduce sexual craving, one doctor advised mild foods to decrease sexual appetites. The graham cracker was the result! Dr. Kellogg created cornflakes to curtail children’s inclinations toward masturbation too.”
Sadomasochism
“Many examples of sadomasochism can be drawn, curiously enough, from the history of the Catholic Church. The flagellants, for example, were a 12th century mass movement that encouraged people to flog themselves until blood flowed. In 1920, Saint Margaret Mary Alacoque was canonized. A 17th century nun, she carved the name of Jesus on her chest with a knife, but because it didn’t last long enough, she burned it in with a candle. At least as bizarre was Saint Mary-Magdalen dei Pazzi, who used to roll in the thornbrushes in the convent garden, then go into the convent and whip herself. She also forced novices to tie her to a post, insult her, whip her, and drop hot wax on her.”
Seduction
“On your date, ask all about him and speak freely about yourself in return. Don’t stress your weaknesses and shortcomings. Later on, if you become close, you can share misgivings about yourself and talk about your problems. Don’t discuss the casual sex you’ve had, though you might feel free to mention love affairs. The note to sound is intimate, but not chummy; romantic, not social. Engage his interests and address yourself to his hopes and anxieties. Many men in their 20s, for instance, are as much concerned with their career as with finding a lover. Make yourself doubly attractive by giving him a chance to discuss those aspirations.”
“If a one-nighter is your aim, the approach will be different. As soon as you meet someone at the party or club, make your intention clear by moving the conversation toward sex. Keep the conversation flirty, filled with innuendo, and pay him several discreet sexual compliments. The aim is to create an erotic tension in which you two are the only people who count, a tension that can only be resolved through sex. Before sex, you should do nothing to destroy the fantasy you’re carefully weaving about the two of you.”
“Develop a good sense of humor, a bit of style, and lots of charm. With these traits, men will be drawn to you to a magnet.”
Sex with Animals
“Sex with animals seems to have been much more common throughout history than many of us would suspect. In the Western world, it was labeled sodomy by the church and the courts — a category that included masturbation, anal, oral, and coitus interruptus (pulling out before you come) — and punished harshly.”
“The most famous case in America was that of Thomas Granger, a teenager who lived in Plymouth in 1642. The unfortunate (and horny) boy confessed to and was found guilty of buggery (fucking) with a mare, a cow, two goats, five sheep, two calves, and a turkey (don’t ask!). Now that’s what you call a sexual appetite! Though there was some difficulty in identifying the sheep so unnaturally used, mixed as they were with the flock, somehow five were selected to be executed along with the other animals, and they were burned in a giant pit. Young Granger himself was also executed. The peculiarity of burning animals for sodomy was understandable since the Puritans believed that animals, like people, were responsible for their behavior.”
“Frederick the Great took a practical attitude. During an important battle, he observed a soldier he recognized, fettered in irons. ‘Why is that excellent soldier in irons?’ he asked of the officer in charge. ‘For bestiality with his horse’ was the reply. ‘Fool,’ said Frederick the Great, ‘don’t put him in irons, put him in the infantry.”
Religion
“Santeria is a composite of African voodoo and Roman Catholicism, which not only welcomes gays but already possesses as one of its guardians the trans Saint Barbara, who is assigned to especially care for gays. Santeria has been specifically attractive to Latino gays who feel excluded by Catholicism.”
