Top Quotes: “The Last Black Unicorn” — Tiffany Haddish

Background: Tiffany Haddish is a comedian who blew up recently after the 2017 hit comedy “Girls Trip” and is starring in the upcoming film “Night School” with Kevin Hart. She has an INSANE life story, so this book was exhilarating to read. It’s a great balance of hilarious and serious as she walks through topics like her experience in the foster care system and goofy scenarios in which she has found herself over the years. Highly recommend this light and fun read!

Quote That Best Sums Up The Book

“Shit, I look back over my life and I’m like ‘for real, that happened?’”

Not Being Able To Read

“You wanna hear some real crazy shit? I was in AP classes, while not being able to read — whenever I had to read something, I would get someone else to read it to me. I had the greatest memory so if someone read it to me I would memorize it instantly, and then if we had to read out loud in class, I would just say what the person had said.”

“Multiple choice tests were easy to fake — I would make people laugh, make ’em want to be my friend, and then they would let me copy them. Essay tests were harder to fake, but here’s what I did. I would tell the teacher I was sick or find a way to take the test later. Then I’d ask a friend, ‘what’d you say on your essay?’ I’d memorize their words and I’d just repeat them.” “I didn’t believe that I could read. I thought I was stupid. Before high school, I was told every day I was stupid — by my stepdad, mama, grandma, other kids at school.”

Performing as School Mascot & a Bah Mitzvah Host

“As the school’s mascot, “I would be watching ESPN to see what professional mascots do, and then I’d be ripping off their techniques. I was pretty awesome at this. I became the most popular girl in school — they even put a plaque on the wall with my name on it.” “I had thought ‘Bah Mitzvah’ meant you get on the bar and show your mitzvah — you know, like your cootchie.”

“The only downside to Bar Mitzvahs was that I killed a man once. I’m not even kidding.”

Coming To Terms with Her Dad Not Wanting a Relationship With Her

“A friend told me, ‘Your goodness holds up a mirror to his ugliness, and that is too painful for him, so he has to project this onto you, by saying you make him feel less about himself. It’s nothing you did. It’s guilt.”

Additional things that stood out that are long stories I couldn’t condense into quotes

• Her stepdad cut the brakes to her mom’s car after taking out a life insurance policy on Tiffany and her siblings, but only her mom was in the car. She survived but had serious mental health issues, which caused her to “accidentally” verbally and physically abuse Tiffany constantly
• Her foster grandpa molested her
• She was beat every night in a group home
• She was rejected by gangbangers from joining their gang because she was too cute and didn’t drink
• She was a literal pimp: “It’s not a lucrative business, selling dick. Dick ain’t really all that hard to come by.”
• She dated someone she describes as a “handicapped angel”