Top Quotes: “The Power of Moments” — Chip & Dan Heath

Background: I’m all about living life to the fullest and savoring every moment so I was drawn to the concept of this book. A good chunk of the book was more corporate than personal life focused (which wasn’t what I was reading for), but there were plenty of fun tips to gain on how to make milestone moments like birthdays extra memorable and how to make less typically exciting moments extra special and unforgettable.

Introduction

“When people assess an experience, they tend to forget or ignore its length. Instead, they seem to rate the experience based on 1) the best or worst moment and 2) the ending. Beginnings and transitions tend to matter a lot too!”

“Defining moments are created from one or more of the following four elements:

• Elevation: Transcend the normal course of events, be extraordinary, surprise
• Insight: Rewire our understanding of ourselves or the world
• Pride: Moments that capture us at our best — achievement, courage
• Connection: Shared with others”

Thinking in Moments

“We must understand when special moments are needed. We must learn to think in moments, to stop the occasions that are worthy of investment.”

“We can shape traditions like birthdays or marriages to make them more memorable and meaningful to us. When a life transition lacks a ‘moment,’ we often feel anxious because we don’t know how to act or what rules apply.”

Moments of Elevation

“If you elevate neutral/slightly positive customers to be delighted customers, this earns you 9x as much revenue as moving negative customers to neutral because you generate more incremental spending and reach more people.”

“To elevate a moment, 1) boost sensory appeal by making things look, feel, taste, or sound much better than normal 2) raise the stakes by adding a competition, a game, a performance, a deadline, or a public commitment 3) break the script by violating expectations about the experience and doing something very different and surprising from what is expected.”

Moments of Insight

“Moments of insight deliver realizations and transformations.”

“Confronting uncomfortable truths requires clear insight, compressed in time, and discovered by the audience itself.”

“Dramatizing problems leads people to think of solutions.”

“Self-insight, a mature understanding of our capabilities and motivations, leads to better relationships and a stronger sense of purpose in life.”

“Stretching — placing ourselves in situations that expose us to the risk of failure — can spark self-insight.”

“Studying our own behavior leads to more self-insight than focusing on thoughts or problems.”

“In a study, teachers who wrote feedback with the copy, “I’m giving you these comments because I have very high expectations and I know you can reach them” (vs. a generic note), twice as many students chose to revise their papers. High standards plus assurance is a powerful formula.”

“In addition, a good mentor offers direction (a suggestion of how to grow) and support (something that will make the suggestion more comfortable for them.”

“You should normalize failure and see it as something you want to do instead of as not achieving the right outcome.”

Moments of Pride

“Having our skill noticed by others is what sparks pride.”

“Recognition should be personal, not programmatic, and closer to weekly than monthly.”

“To meet a goal, create several motivating milestones to hit along the way — like ordering a meal in Spanish, having a Spanish conversation with a taxi driver, and reading a kindergarten-level Spanish book on the way to being fluent.”

“The instinct to notice and commemorate achievements is oddly lacking in many areas of life.”

“Milestones propel us to the finish line because we choose them and they’re achievable.”

“Exposure therapy is a way to manage fear by taking many small steps toward your ultimate fear — like getting closer and closer to a spider and eventually holding it in your hand.”

“Implementation instructions are advance mental commitments in support of goals — like planning to order a sparkling water when the waiter asks if you want another drink if you’re trying to drink less.”

Moments of Connection

“In a study, fewer than 20% of comments that sparked laughter were even remotely funny. Laughing actually functions to tie groups together and send positive signals back and forth.”

“A really demanding task that’s really meaningful will make a group bond like cement.”

“Our relationships are strong when we perceive that our partners are responsive to us through

1. Understanding — my partner knows how I see myself and what is important to me
2. Validation — my partner respects who I am and what I want
3. Caring — my partner takes active and supportive steps in helping me meet my needs.

Non-responsiveness is corrosive — it deprives us of our individuality; we’re not seen or treated as special.”

“A defining moment is a burst of magic — thoughtful, playful, emotional.”