Top Quotes: “Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself” —

Background: I’m working on treating myself like I would treat a best friend and this book promises “40 ways to transform your inner critic and your life” so it seemed like just what I needed. Like most books on this topic, it focuses more on people on the extreme negative end of the spectrum rather than folks like myself who are in the middle and want to move toward strong self-love. However, I found a lot of the tips to be very actionable and the stories to be very relatable. I think any reader would be able to find at least a couple takeaways they could (attempt to) apply to their life immediately!

Moving Beyond What You Learned

“We may never completely eliminate self-doubting and self-critical thoughts, but it’s possible to think them a lot less often, and to give them less power when we do.”

“We all learned to question ourselves, on some level, growing up.”

“I don’t buy happiness or find it or receive it. I make it — for others and for myself.”

“Take a minute to think of your beliefs about yourself. If you find a belief that you question, explore where it came from and challenge it. When you change your beliefs, you change your life…Form healthier beliefs. When you start thinking the old belief, look for evidence to support the opposite one.” Examples: I’ll never be happy, nothing I do is good enough. “Say ‘I love that you love xxxxxx’ to yourself. List all the things you love.” Example: I love that you love having fun.

“When people abuse us, disrespect us, silence us, or disregard our feelings or needs, we often internalize that and feel shame, as if we deserved to be hurt because we were unworthy, bad, or flawed.”

“Whatever you did in the past, you were doing the best you could, based on what you learned and experienced.”

Realizing You’re Not Broken

“The fear that there’s something lacking in us isn’t just about self-judgment; it’s about a foundational belief that we are somehow broken. It may seem like a natural conclusion when we struggle in ways we don’t fully understand…We are the constant of all our troubles, so we can easily blame ourselves every time we deal with something painful.”

“We often suffer because we fight so hard against everything that hurts.”

“She has the spirit of two wolves battling inside her — one vengeful and unkind, the other loving, secure, and nurturing…whichever one she feeds is the one that will end up winning.”

“It isn’t what happens to us that causes us to suffer; it’s what we say to ourselves about what happens.”

Focus On Your Flaws: Accepting All Of You

“Our reactions always have more to do with our own self-judgments and feelings of inadequacy or strength, than what the other person may say or do.”

“Most judgments we make about others stem from A) you wouldn’t tolerate the same behavior in yourself — it’s something you wouldn’t let yourself do or B) you display the same behavior and aren’t aware of it — take an honest look inside to see if you share some of the characteristics you dislike in others — or C) You’re envious and should be inspired rather than finding fault.”

“Discernment rather than judgment kicks in and causes you to feel compassion for others, even if you’re not enthusiastic about their behavior. At the very least, you’ll feel neutral. Discernment is awareness and understanding without an emotional response. Judgments that cause emotional reactions are clues to help you find personal insight.”

“Reinforce that you’re doing the best you can and your best is good enough; and recognize that your poorest choices don’t define you.”

Self-Forgiveness

“Be gentle first with yourself if you wish to be gentle with others.”

“There is a very big difference between doing a bad thing and being a bad person. Even when you do something you regret, you had a valid reason for doing it at the time even if it doesn’t seem rational now.”

“Assign your inner critical voice an identity and have a conversation with it to reinforce the idea that this voice is separate from you. Ask what its positive intention is…often, you’ll realize it was for your benefit, making it easier to forgive yourself.”

“Ask yourself: How can I react differently this time given the learning from last time?”

“As soon as you recognize you’re going down a self-critical path, visualize a red stop sign in your head and replace that thought with ‘I made a poor decision, but I’m a good person. I’m learning from this mistake and I’m proud of that.”

“If you show the real you, not everyone will like you and that’s ok.”

“Rejection is infinitely more painful when we see it through the lens of our own self-rejection. We magnify what we think we see when it seems to confirm our worst fears about ourselves. Ask yourself: What can this teach me about how I reject myself and how can I change that?”

“When someone seems to reject you, instead of thinking there’s something lacking in you, see this as a sign that this person is not a good match for a meaningful relationship. Then affirm to yourself that you’re creating the possibility of meeting others who are.”

Letting Go Of Comparisons

“Comparing oneself to those less fortunate is still a choice to see ourselves in relation to everyone else, as if we need to know we’re not the lowest in the pecking order in order to avoid feeling low.”

“I’m unique, so comparisons to others are irrelevant.”

“When thoughts, fear, or anger arise, breathe deeply in and out saying ‘in’ and ‘out’ as you do. Feel your senses and ground yourself in the present moment.”

“Seeing positive experiences others are having can show you the amazing possibilities that are already present in the world.”

Learning To Complete Yourself

“I was convinced that because I’d never had a significant other, I wasn’t loved. Worse yet, I started to think that I just wasn’t the kind of person anyone could come to love in that way. It didn’t matter that I had a good network of friends who loved and cared about me; I had wanted love from a specific kind of person because I was convinced that was the missing piece in my heart.”

I didn’t just love the idea of him or the companionship of being together, but I adored the person that he was. He enjoyed the person that I was. They were feelings that were brand new — belonging, safety, passion.”

“If you make friends with yourself, you will never be alone.”

“We forget how much love we already have inside that is patiently waiting to be released.”

Allowing Yourself To Be Authentic

“When you love yourself, and I mean all of you, you don’t worry so much if someone else doesn’t.”

“Which gifts have I been neglecting? How can I start making life choices in support of what I have to offer?”

“The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.”

Believing In Your Worth & Discovering Your Path

“Your outlook on life is a direct reflection on how much you like yourself.”

“Figure out what you’re good at and what separates you from everyone else.”

“I choose to do my thing, one tiny step at a time, at my pace, in my own fabulous, imperfect way.”

“Loving ourselves won’t change that we won’t always love what’s in front of us. It will, however, change how we treat ourselves in response to it and what we believe we can do with it.”

“Shine a spotlight on your pain and douse it with empathy.”

“Realize that feeling the full range of emotions is not something you have to fix.”

“Ask yourself how you can respond more wisely than you have in the past.”