Top Quotes: “What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Speed-Reading People” — Joe Navarro

Introduction

“One of the first things I noticed was that students or teachers who genuinely liked me would raise (or arch) their eyebrows when they first saw me walk into the room. On the other hand, those individuals who weren’t too friendly toward me would squint their eyes slightly when I appeared.”

““Eye-blocking” is a nonverbal behavior that can occur when we feel threatened and/or don’t like what we see. Squinting (as in the case with my classmates, described above) and closing or shielding our eyes are actions that have evolved to protect the brain from “seeing” undesirable images and to communicate our disdain toward others.”

“When people press their lips together in a manner that seems to make them disappear, it is a clear and common sign that they are troubled and something is wrong.”

“Universal nonverbal behaviors constitute one group of body cues: those that are relatively the same for everyone. There is a second type of body cue called an idiosyncratic nonverbal behavior, which is a signal that is relatively unique to a particular individual.

In attempting to identify idiosyncratic signals, you’ll want to be on the lookout for behavioral patterns in people you interact with on a regular basis (friends, family, coworkers, persons who provide goods or services to you on a consistent basis). The better you know an individual, or the longer you interact with him or her, the easier it will be to discover this information.”

“In order to get a handle on the baseline behaviors of the people with whom you regularly interact, you need to note how they look normally, how they typically sit, where they place their hands, the usual position of their feet, their posture and common facial expressions, the tilt of their heads, and even where they generally place or hold their possessions, such as a purse. You need to be able to differentiate between their “normal” face and their “stressed” face.”

“Even in a single encounter with someone, you should attempt to note their “starting position” at the beginning of your interaction. Establishing a person’s baseline behavior is critical because it allows you to determine when he or she deviates from it, which can be very important and informative.”

“While I was still observing him, his behavior changed. Specifically, his nostrils starting flaring (nasal wing dilation), which was a giveaway that he was oxygenating in advance of taking some action.”

“Just as a man may turn away from his date, an individual in negotiations may shift away from his counterpart if he hears an unattractive offer or feels threatened as bargaining continues. Blocking behaviors may also be manifested; the businessperson may close or rub his eyes, or place his hands in front of his face. He may lean away from the table or the other person and turn his feet away as well, sometimes in the direction of the nearest exit. These are not behaviors of deception, but rather actions that signal that a person feels uncomfortable. These forms of the age-old flight response are distancing nonverbal behaviors that tell you the businessperson is unhappy with what is occurring at the table.”

The Neck

“Neck touching and or stroking is one of the most significant and frequent pacifying behaviors we use in responding to stress. When women pacify using the neck, they often do so by covering or touching their suprasternal notch with their hand. The suprasternal notch is the hollow area between the Adam’s apple and the breastbone that is sometimes referred to as the neck dimple. When a woman touches this part of her neck and/or covers it with her hand, it is typically because she feels distressed, threatened, uncomfortable, insecure, or fearful. This is a relatively significant behavioral clue that can be used to detect, among other things, the discomfort experienced when a person is lying or concealing important information.”

“Pacifying behaviors take many forms. When stressed, we might soothe our necks with a gentle massage, stroke our faces, or play with our hair. This is done automatically. Our brains send out the message, “Please pacify me now,” and our hands respond immediately, providing an action that will help make us comfortable again. Sometimes we pacify by rubbing our cheeks or our lips from the inside with our tongues, or we exhale slowly with puffed cheeks to calm ourselves.”

“Leg cleansing is one pacification behavior that often goes unnoticed because it frequently occurs under a desk or table. In this calming or pacifying activity, a person places the hand (or hands) palm down on top of the leg (or legs), and then slides them down the thighs toward the knee. Some individuals will do the “leg cleanser” only once, but often it is done repeatedly or the leg merely is massaged. It may also be done to dry off sweaty palms associated with anxiety, but principally it is to get rid of tension. This nonverbal behavior is worth looking for, because it is a good indication that someone is under stress. One way to try and spot this behavior is to watch people who put one or both arms under the table. If they are doing leg cleansing, you will normally see the upper arm and shoulder moving in conjunction with the hand as it rubs along their leg.”

“This behavior involves a person (usually a male) putting his fingers between his shirt collar and neck and pulling the fabric away from his skin. This ventilating action is often a reaction to stress and is a good indicator that the person is unhappy with something he is thinking about or experiencing in his environment. A woman may perform this nonverbal activity more subtly by merely ventilating the front of her blouse or by tossing the back of her hair up in the air to ventilate her neck.”

The Feet and Legs

“A child may be sitting down to eat, but if she wants to go out and play, notice how her feet sway, how they stretch to reach the floor from a high chair even when the child is not yet finished with her meal. A parent may try to keep her in place, yet the girl’s feet will inch away from the table. Her torso may be held by that loving parent, but the youngster will twist and squirm her legs and feet ever so diligently in the direction of the door — an accurate reflection of where she wants to go. This is an intention cue. As adults, we are, of course, more restrained in these limbic exhibitions, but just barely so.”

“I learned to concentrate on the suspect’s feet and legs first, moving upward in my observations until I read the face last. When it comes to honesty, truthfulness decreases as we move from the feet to the head.”

“Happy feet are feet and legs that wiggle and/or bounce with joy. When people suddenly display happy feet — particularly if this occurs right after they have heard or seen something of significance — it’s because it has affected them in a positive emotional way. Happy feet are a high-confidence tell, a signal that a person feels he is getting what he wants or is in an advantageous position to gain something of value from another person or from something else in his environment. Lovers seeing each other after a long separation will get happy feet at their airport reunion.

You don’t need to look under the table to see happy feet. Just look at a person’s shirt and/or his shoulders. If his feet are wiggling or bouncing, his shirt and shoulders will be vibrating or moving up and down. These are not grossly exaggerated movements; in fact, they are relatively subtle.”

“Assume you are approaching two people engaged in a conversation. These are individuals you have met before, and you want to join in the discussion, so you walk up to them and say “hi.” The problem is that you’re not sure if they really want your company.

Is there a way to find out? Yes. Watch their feet and torso behavior. If they move their feet — along with their torsos — to admit you, then the welcome is full and genuine. However, if they don’t move their feet to welcome you but, instead, only swivel at the hips to say hello, then they’d rather be left alone.”

“When you are talking with someone and you note that he gradually or suddenly shifts his feet away from you, this is information you need to process. Why did the behavior take place? Sometimes it is a signal that the person is late for an appointment and really has to go; other times it is a sign that the person no longer wants to be around you. Perhaps you have said something offensive or done something annoying. The shifting foot behavior is a sign that the person wants to depart.”

“There are other examples of intention movements of the legs that are associated with an individual who wants to leave his current location. Take note if a person who is sitting down places both hands on his knees in a knee clasp. This is a very clear sign that in his mind, he is ready to conclude the meeting and take leave. Usually this hands-on-knees gesture is followed by a forward lean of the torso and/or a shift of the lower body to the edge of the chair, both intention movements. When you note these cues, particularly when they come from your superiors, it’s time to end your interaction; be astute and don’t linger.”

“Recently I was watching a stranger talk on his cell phone. As he listened, his left foot, which had been resting flat on the ground, changed position. The heel of the foot remained on the ground, but the rest of his shoe moved up, so that his toes were pointing skyward. To the average person, that behavior would have gone unnoticed or been disregarded as insignificant. But to the trained observer, that gravity-defying foot behavior can be readily decoded to mean that the man on the phone had just heard something positive.”

“If you observe a person’s feet going from being together to being spread apart, you can be fairly confident that the individual is becoming increasingly unhappy. This dominant stance communicates very clearly, “Something is wrong and I am ready to deal with it.” Territorial leg splays signal the potential for tempers to flare; thus, whether you find yourself observing or using this type of nonverbal behavior, you should be on the alert for possible trouble.

Because people often assume a more splayed posture when an argument escalates, I tell executives as well as law enforcement officers that one way to diffuse a confrontation is to avoid using such territorial displays. If we catch ourselves in a leg-splay posture during a heated exchange and immediately bring our legs together, it often lessens the confrontation level and reduces the tension.”

“Leg crossing is a particularly accurate barometer of how comfortable we feel around another person; we don’t use it if we feel uncomfortable. We also cross our legs in the presence of others when we are confident — and confidence is part of comfort. Let’s examine why this is such an honest and revealing lower limb behavior.

When you cross one leg in front of the other while standing, you reduce your balance significantly. From a safety standpoint, if there were a real threat, you could neither freeze very easily nor run away because, in that stance, you are basically balanced on one foot.”

“We cross our legs in such a way so that we tilt toward the person we favor.”

“During courtship, and particularly while seated, a woman will often play with her shoes and dangle them from the tips of her toes when she feels comfortable with her companion.”

“Seated leg crosses are also revealing. When people sit side by side, the direction of their leg crosses become significant. If they are on good terms, the top leg crossed over will point toward the other person. If a person doesn’t like a topic his companion brings up, he will switch the position of the legs so that the thigh becomes a barrier. Such blocking behavior is another meaningful example of the limbic brain protecting us. If there is congruence in the way both parties are sitting and crossing their legs, then there is harmony.”

“When I first meet someone, I typically lean in, give the person a hearty handshake (depending on the appropriate cultural norms in the situation), make good eye contact, and then take a step back and see what happens next. One of three responses is likely to take place: (a) the person will remain in place, which lets me know he or she is comfortable at that distance; (b) the individual will take a step back or turn slightly away, which lets me know he or she needs more space or wants to be elsewhere; or (c) the person will actually take a step closer to me, which means he or she feels comfortable and/or favorable toward me.”

“Anytime there is a shift from foot jiggling to foot kicking in a seated person, according to Dr. Joe Kulis, it is a very good indicator that the person has seen or heard something negative and is not happy about it.

While jiggling may be a show of nervousness, kicking is a subconscious way of combating the unpleasant.”

“If a person constantly wiggles or bounces his or her feet or leg(s) and suddenly stops, you need to take notice. This usually signifies that the individual is experiencing stress, an emotional change, or feels threatened in some way.”

“When an individual suddenly turns his toes inward or interlocks his feet, it is a sign that he is insecure, anxious, and/or feels threatened. When interviewing suspects in crimes, I often notice that they interlock their feet and ankles when they are under stress. A lot of people, especially women, have been taught to sit this way, especially when wearing a skirt. However, to lock the ankles in this way, especially over a prolonged period, is unnatural and should be considered suspect, particularly when done by males.”

“They still leaned away from each other when issues were brought up with which they disagreed.”

“Did you ever wonder why you get an upset stomach if there is an argument at the dinner table? When you are upset, your digestive system no longer has as much blood as it needs for proper digestion. Just as your limbic system’s freeze, flight, or fight response shunts blood away from the skin, it likewise diverts blood from your digestive system, sending blood to your heart and limb muscles (especially the legs) to prepare for your escape. The upset stomach you feel is a symptom of that limbic arousal. The next time an argument ensues during a meal, you will recognize the limbic response of distress.

A child whose parents fight at the dinner table really can’t finish his meal; his limbic system has trumped alimentation and digestion to prepare them for escape and survival. Along these lines, it is interesting to note how many people vomit after experiencing a traumatic event. In essence, during emergencies the body is saying that there is no time for digestion; the reaction is to lighten the load and prepare for escape or physical conflict.”

“Teenagers, in particular, often will sit splayed out on a chair or bench, as a nonverbal way of dominating their environment while being chastised by their parents. This splay behavior is disrespectful and shows indifference to those in authority. It is a territorial display that should not be encouraged or tolerated.

If you have a child who does this every time he or she is in serious trouble, you need to neutralize this behavior immediately by asking your child to sit up and, if that fails, by nonverbally violating his or her space (by sitting next to or standing closely behind him or her). In short order, your child will have a limbic response to your spatial “invasion,” which will cause him or her to sit up. If you allow your child to get away with torso splays during major disagreements, don’t be surprised if he or she loses respect for you over time. And why not? By allowing such displays, you are basically saying, “It’s OK to disrespect me.” When these kids grow up, they may continue to splay out inappropriately in the workplace when they should be sitting up attentively. This is not conducive to longevity on the job, since it sends a strong negative nonverbal message of disrespect for authority.”

The Arms and Hands

“Full and slight shoulder shrugs can mean a lot in context. When the boss asks an employee, “Do you know anything about this customer’s complaint?” and the employee answers, “No,” while giving a half shrug, chances are the speaker is not committed to what was just said. An honest and true response will cause both shoulders to rise sharply and equally. Expect people to give full (high) shoulder shrugs when they confidently support what they are saying. There is nothing wrong with saying, “I don’t know!” while both shoulders rise up toward the ear. As discussed previously, this is a gravity-defying behavior that normally signifies the person is comfortable and confident with his or her actions. If you see a person’s shoulders only partially rise or if only one shoulder rises, chances are the individual is not limbically committed to what he or she is saying and is probably being evasive or even deceptive.”

“When excited, we don’t restrict our arm movements; in fact our natural tendency is to defy gravity and raise our arms high above our heads. When people are truly energized and happy, their arm motions defy gravity. As previously mentioned, gravity-defying behaviors are associated with positive feelings. When a person feels good or confident, he swings his arms affirmatively, such as while walking. It is the insecure person who subconsciously restrains his arms, seemingly unable to defy the weight of gravity.”

“After a tough day or when feeling dejected or sad, the arms will be low at the person’s side, shoulders drooping.”

“People may regard you with suspicion if they can’t see your hands while you are talking.”

“Often seen with high-status individuals, the thumb sticking out of the pocket is a high-confidence display.”

“Feelings of low confidence can be evidenced when a person (usually a male) puts his thumbs in his pocket and lets the fingers hang out on the side. Particularly in an employment setting, this signal says,“I am very unsure of myself.””

The Head

“Squinting, furrowing of the forehead, and facial contortions are indicative of distress or discomfort.”

“Head tilt says in a powerful way, “I am comfortable, I am receptive, I am friendly.” It is very difficult to do this around people we don’t like.”

“Research has shown that once we move beyond a startle response, when we like something we see, our pupils dilate; when we don’t, they constrict.”

“When customers or clients suddenly squint while reading a contract, they are likely struggling with something in the wording of the text, the discomfort or doubt registering immediately in their eyes. Most likely these business associates will be totally unaware they are transmitting this very clear message of disagreement or dislike.

In addition to squinting when ill at ease, some individuals will lower their eyebrows after observing something unsettling in their environment. Arched eyebrows signify high confidence and positive feelings (a gravity-defying behavior), whereas lowered eyebrows are usually a sign of low confidence and negative feelings, a behavior that indicates weakness and insecurity in a person.”

“Any decrease in the size of the eyes, whether through squinting or pupilary constriction, is a form of subconscious blocking behavior. And all blocking behaviors are indicative of concern, dislike, disagreement, or the perception of a potential threat.”

“A brief touch of the eyes during a conversation may give you a clue to a person’s negative perception of what is being discussed.”

“A delay in opening of the eyelids upon hearing information or a lengthy closure is indicative of negative emotions or displeasure.”

“A variant on the flashbulb eyes is the eyebrow raise or eye flash that takes place very quickly, staccato-like, during a positive emotional event. Not only is this behavior universally recognized as indicative of a pleasant surprise (think of someone arriving at a surprise party), but it is also used for emphasis, and to show intensity.

It is very common to see people saying, “Wow!” as they raise their eyebrows and flash their eyes. This is a very genuine positive display. When someone is excitedly emphasizing a point or telling a story, the brow raise should occur. It reflects the true mood of the individual, and it also clears the way for greater visual clarity.”

“You can assume the boss really likes you or that you did something really well if his or her eyes open very wide when looking at you.”

“Perhaps the best utility of the brow raise is to note when someone stops doing it while telling a story. Often, when we are not emotionally attached to something being said, there will be no eye emphasis. Such an observed lack of attachment may simply reflect decreased interest or may occur because what is being said is not the truth.”

Patterns

“If you know your business partner feels good about individual A and dislikes individual B and both have been invited to an office party he is hosting, watch his face as he meets each person at the door. You’ll be able to distinguish the two types of smiles in no time at all!”

“If it seems like the lips have disappeared from every photograph you have seen recently of anyone testifying before Congress, it is because of stress. I say this with assurance, because when it comes to stress (like testifying before Congress), nothing is more universal than disappearing lips. When we are stressed, we tend to make our lips disappear subconsciously.”

Deception

“Watch for liars to use obstacles or objects (such as a pillow, a drinking glass, or a chair) to form a barrier between you and them.”

“Since touching is more often performed by the truthful person for emphasis, this distancing helps to alleviate the level of anxiety a dishonest person is feeling. Any diminution of touching observed in a person engaged in conversation, especially while hearing or answering critical questions, is more likely than not to be indicative of deception. If possible and appropriate, you may consider sitting close to a loved one when questioning him or her about something serious, or even holding your child’s hand while you discuss a difficult matter. In this way you may more readily note changes in touch throughout the conversation.”

“Look for subtle behaviors such as a grimace or a look of contempt. Also watch for a person’s mouth to quiver or squirm in discomfort during a serious discussion. Any facial expression that lasts too long or lingers is not normal, whether a smile, a frown, or a surprised look. Such contrived behavior during a conversation or an interview is intended to influence opinion and lacks authenticity. Often when people are caught doing something wrong or lying, they will hold a smile for what seems an eternity. Rather than indicating comfort, this type of false smile is actually a discomfort display.

When we do not like something we hear, whether a question or an answer, we often close our eyes as if to block out what was just heard. The various forms of eye-blocking mechanisms are analogous to folding our hands tightly across our chest or turning away from those with whom we disagree. These blocking displays are performed subconsciously and occur often, especially during a formal interview, and are usually related to a specific topic. Eyelid flutter is also observed at times when a particular subject causes distress.”

“Keep in mind that predators and habitual liars actually engage in greater eye contact than most individuals, and will lock eyes with you. Research clearly shows that Machiavellian people (for example, psychopaths, con men, and habitual liars) will actually increase eye contact during deception. Perhaps this increase in eye contact is consciously employed by such individuals because it is so commonly (but erroneously) believed that looking someone straight in the eye is a sign of truthfulness.”

“Take note of the head movements of those with whom you are speaking. If a person’s head begins to shake either in the affirmative or in the negative as he is speaking, and the movement occurs simultaneously with what he is saying, then the statement can typically be relied upon as being truthful. If, however, the head shake or head movement is delayed or occurs after the speech, then most likely the statement is contrived and not truthful. Although it may be very subtle, the delayed movement of the head is an attempt to further validate what has been stated and is not part of the natural flow of communication. In addition, honest head movements should be consistent with verbal denials or affirmations. If a head movement is inconsistent with or contrary to a person’s statement, it may indicate deception. While typically involving more subtle than exaggerated head movements, this incongruity of verbal and nonverbal signals happens more often than we think. For example, someone may say, “I didn’t do it,” while his head is slightly nodding in the affirmative.

During discomfort, the limbic brain takes over, and a person’s face can conversely either flush or lighten in color. During difficult conversations, you may also see increased perspiration or breathing; note whether the person is noticeably wiping off sweat or trying to control his or her breathing in an effort to remain calm. Any trembling of the body, whether of the hands, fingers, or lips, or any attempt to hide or restrain the hands or lips (through disappearing or compressed lips), may be indicative of discomfort and/or deception, especially if it occurs after normal nervousness should have worn off.

A person’s voice may crack or may seem inconsistent during deceptive speech; swallowing becomes difficult as the throat becomes dry from stress, so look for hard swallows. These can be evidenced by a sudden bob or jump of the Adam’s apple and may be accompanied by the clearing or repeated clearings of the throat — all indicative of discomfort.”

“People de-emphasize or show lack of commitment to their own speech by speaking behind their hands (talking while covering their mouths) or showing limited facial expression. People control their countenance and engage in other movement restriction and withdrawal behaviors when they are not committed to what they are saying. Deceptive people often show deliberative, pensive displays, such as fingers to the chin or stroking of cheeks, as though they are still thinking about what to say; this is in stark contrast to honest people who emphasize the point they are making. Deceptive people spend time evaluating what they say and how it is being received, which is inconsistent with honest behavior.”

“Interestingly, as individuals make declarative statements that are false, they will avoid touching not only other people, but objects such as a podium or table as well. I have never seen or heard a person who is lying yell affirmatively, “I didn’t do it,” while pounding his fist on the table. Usually what I have seen are very weak, nonemphatic statements, with gestures that are equally mild. People who are being deceptive lack commitment and confidence in what they are saying. Although their thinking brain (neocortex) will decide what to say in order to mislead, their emotive brain (the limbic system — the honest part of the brain) simply will not be committed to the ruse, and therefore will not emphasize their statements using nonverbal behaviors (such as gestures).”

“Although we all shrug at one time or another when we are not sure of something, liars will give a modified shrug when they are unsure of themselves. The liar’s shrug is abnormal in that it is abridged and customized because the person manifesting it is not fully committed to what is being expressed. If only one shoulder comes up, or if the shoulders rise nearly to the ears and the person’s head seems to disappear, it is a sign of high discomfort and sometimes seen in an individual preparing to answer a question deceptively.”